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Diary

Korean vs. English

What language should I think in? Speak more fluently? Record videos with?

It is the ultimate conundrum people who've migrated to America (at a fairly early age) will have.

 

What should be the dominant language?

English? Korean? I'm still conflicted in my answer.

2018 marks 10 year anniversary in America. During that 10 years, lots of changes have taken place. Fortunately enough, my English kept on getting better and I definitely started feel more comfortable. However, it is very difficult to forget where I'm from. As a person who spent more time in Korea, Korean is more comfortable for me. I don't feel like I have any language barrier, although my Korean has been gradually deteriorating (I effectively speak 0.8 language).

But at the same time, I know that it is in my best interest to be more fluent in English. Given that I applied for the U.S citizenship, it is very likely that I will spend the rest of my life here (too early to tell?). So, I want to be more fluent and I want to get rid of my accent completely, although I'm at a point where I've acknowledged it is impossible to do so.

 

The dilemma

The dilemma I have is I'm still not sure whether I should allow myself to think in Korean or try to force myself to think in English. 

Interestingly, the frequency of me dreaming in English has gone up very much and if I force myself, I dream in English. Other times, I dream in Korean only or it is mixed half and half. 

Thinking in English is another matter. I feel like I'm thinking predominantly in Korean. And then I realize somewhere, sometime that I may want to think in English. Again, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. And sometimes I wonder if I should really make a big deal out of this. Is this worth a headache?

 

Why do I blog in English

This was another major headache for me. Should I write in Korean? or should I write in English?

A case for Korean was that if I write in my mother tongue, I can express whatever I have in my mind more clearly. In other words, there's less dilution between my brain and what you see from your screen. I can write expressions that I can't in English more freely. It's more convenient. The blog could've been more enjoyable/funny. 

However, if I write in Korean, I'll have a very niche audience which i didn't want (but nobody's reading my blog anyways). By writing in English, I'm essentially practicing writing which will serve me well in the professional world. However, I do feel there are some limits to my word choice and expressions. There's definitely more dilution between my mind and the screen.

How about YouTube?

Another unresolved problem I have is "what language should I speak when I make videos"? This problem, compared to writing is more pronounced because when I speak, there's another layer that to keep in mind - accent. 

I personally, and secretly feel like if I talk in English, it doesn't feel like real me. I pay way too much attention pronunciation and I'm frankly scared of messing up because I don't want to reveal my weaknesses. But when I look at YouTube, there are a million other people who post videos while talking in a thick accent, and they garner lots of views. So encourages me and partially offsets my concerns. 

I'm still not sure. Should I record videos in Korean? that'd be way more fun and natural. Should I vlog in English? That way I'll be able to communicate with lot more people (assuming I have some viewers).

Recently, I've been watching some vlogs of Koreans in America or in other parts of the world. They were speaking Korean. And it seemed fun! But I noticed that their main audience was Korean (all the comments were written in Korean). Maybe that was their plan? they don't care? What should I do? Maybe do Excel videos in English and do vlogs in Korean? or make a separate channel? Maybe I'll make two different channels...?

Ugh, I have too many unnecessary thoughts. 

Taeyang YouComment