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Diary

It doesn't get better tomorrow

Life is hard.

Things are going to be the same tomorrow if I don't do anything today.

Guys who get you in trouble won't get you out of trouble.

I'm embarrassed to admit that up until recently, I thought things will get better in the future. I used to rationalize and tell myself that I will be able to achieve all the things that I want in the future. Although I'm lacking certain attributes in my life, there's no rush. I'll get there somehow. Just not today, but later.

Then 2018 actually happened. I'm 25. In Korea, I'm 27. This crazy. How crazy? 

Some people that I knew are getting married or are already married. Some are expecting babies soon.

There has been no point in my life when marriage felt real. It was only a friend of a friend of a friend that was married or talking about marriage. Even among them, lots of plans fell through but it was okay. Why? everybody was young. TIme was on our side.

Fast forward to 2018. Now things are slightly (or is it drastically?) different. I'm nowhere near what I had imagined to be at this age. Instead, I'm still the same person, just slight differences here and there.

Then I see lots of older people at work, who are married and have a family. And I see them working and interacting with people. Some people are respectable, and some people are below my expectations. I think the latter concerns me because they probably didn't want to have those weaknesses. Maybe they weren't able to overcome those. 

But the more I think about it the more I realize that time doesn't cure a lot. People don't get necessarily better with age. Same applies to me too. 

I thought when I'm mid 20's, I would have a great body. I would have dated many different girls. I would have found the work I like and put in my 100%. 

Well, not a lot of things on the list have been accomplished yet. It's sad that I've let some time pass by but at the same time, I'm glad that I've figured out unless I change, the outcomes won't change. I won't magically achieve things I wanted as time passes. I need to take actions and change.

And the change ties back to my previous blog post. I mean this post is basically a reiteration of my thoughts in that piece. 

Change begins with not drinking that beer I'm craving so much right now.

It beings with dragging myself to the gym when I'm tired as hell and running an extra minute even though I'm about to pass out. 

So far, the start of 2018 has been very good. I'm looking forward to see how much I've achieved, how much I've changed throughout the year. 

 

Taeyang YouComment